Thanks everyone for your thoughtful posts. I've weighed the pro's and cons and have come to the conclusion that I am better off staying than going. I know this will get a big eye roll from Punk but - I believe God sent Bella to me and I would lose her if left my husband. I also have my two bio sons to think of. I figure I'm sick and he deals with it everyday so I can see how he got sick. I'm going to make an effort to help him heal.
God bless!
Tiffinay
Tiffinany. Im sorry and I agree with a lot of people. And I know first hand you are better off staying. I did leave my husband because he was a drunk and fooling around. You posted what happened. And I replied. Stay strong! And focus on the kids.
Tiffi
Does something make you say NEVER CHANGE with such conviction?
I hope I don't seem naive. I am aware that he might do it again. I am strong enough and I realize that God is the only one who is going to be forever loyal. I went to a divorce lawyer and came to the conclusion that I would be worse off financially without him.
I think about leaving but then would lose Bella, so I take what he has to offer. Plus I can't imagine having this Ataxia alone.
Thanks for your post.
Tiffinay
Lori said:
Hi Tiffinay. Well it's all on, what you can handle. He will NEVER CHANGE. No It has nothing to do with the ataxia. NOTHING!
Kids are wonderful! The feeling of being alone is not good at all. Good Luck!
Lori
I just want to add one optimistic thing to Tiffany and Lori and whoever else. Several years ago, I read in the New York Times "Vows" section about a bride who discovered breast cancer two weeks before her wedding. She assumed the groom would cancel the wedding and leave her. Not only didn't he, they married and he stood by her and continued to love her . I was very impressed with this story. Some ordinary people are just moral giants. Tiffany is such a person. Maybe she will inspire others including her husband. I probably would have disintegrated in jealousy and fury. Tiffany will live longer with her sunny attitude. Neta
You and your circle are what I call "moral giants". Maybe your parents' or someone else taught you compassion. It's a very attractive feature and keep up your good work. BTW my husband went to a fancy Ivy League university (in the USA) and is very impressed with places like Oxford and Cambridge but as far as I am concerned knows less than a shoemaker. N
Punk said:
Hi butterfly and Neta what is wrong with the men in your life, do they not know what empathy and careing about you both mean. As if things arent hard enough. They dont deserve you both. Hugs from the Punks
No Tiffany its my 21 year old daughter who has sca2. My son had cancer at 15 and survived and my father killed himself when i was 18.I had 2 nervous breakdowns so dont work.The idea of God does,nt do alot for me but that does,nt give me the right to roll my eyes at you. Anyway you may be right and i send you nothing but love. Life can be hard but i do believe we are all conected. Stay strong Tiffany
Tiffinay said:
Are you not the one with Ataxia?
Punk said:We are all very supportive of Cassie. Her brother keeps getting her out and my wife makes sure she eats well. I keep her exercising and we go walks with my sister with the dogs. My brother is never in touch to ask about her. I dont know if its coz he is a jehovah witness and i am an atheist.
I am confused as to whom everyone in your group is, but it doesn't matter. Help the one(s) you can. This is how we are all connected. N
Punk said:
No Tiffany its my 21 year old daughter who has sca2. My son had cancer at 15 and survived and my father killed himself when i was 18.I had 2 nervous breakdowns so dont work.The idea of God does,nt do alot for me but that does,nt give me the right to roll my eyes at you. Anyway you may be right and i send you nothing but love. Life can be hard but i do believe we are all conected. Stay strong Tiffany
Tiffinay said:Are you not the one with Ataxia?
Punk said:We are all very supportive of Cassie. Her brother keeps getting her out and my wife makes sure she eats well. I keep her exercising and we go walks with my sister with the dogs. My brother is never in touch to ask about her. I dont know if its coz he is a jehovah witness and i am an atheist.
I agree with you, you don’t want to lose your children. I am in the same boat, so I know what you are going through. But, stay strong for your kids.
Tiffinay said:
Thanks everyone for your thoughtful posts. I’ve weighed the pro’s and cons and have come to the conclusion that I am better off staying than going. I know this will get a big eye roll from Punk but - I believe God sent Bella to me and I would lose her if left my husband. I also have my two bio sons to think of. I figure I’m sick and he deals with it everyday so I can see how he got sick. I’m going to make an effort to help him heal.
God bless!
Tiffinay
This issue reminds me of that Senator John Edwards guy who had an affair and a baby when his wife, Elizabeth, was dying of cancer. I think she left him. Am I right? Someone wrote a book about it. Illness is a time to be compassionate, not aloof, let alone an adulterer. But maybe this is how some "handle" crises and "Tiffany" recognizes that. I remember how angry my mother was when the husband of her very ill best friend traveled and dined alone in fancy restaurants on sirloin steaks as his wife dribbled on baby cereal in her hospital bed and lay dying. He had no "patience" for her profound illness. His attitude created a huge rift between him and her children and between all the children (all adults at this point) during the woman's illness and demise. Her children demanded immediately that he (their stepfather of twenty years) vacate the family home after the wife was gone. All the fond memories were also gone.
On the plus side I know a man who lovingly took care of his very ill, MS wife even when he got sick. She was quite young when she got it. Even though she was pretty out of it, he doggedly brought her to grandchildren's weddings and the like and proudly sat with her. I will never forget his love and devotion. Ironically he just passed away. May his memory be a blessing.