I have discovered after my wife kicked me out she literally hates my guts for having Ataxia and possibly giving it to our kids. She wants to get just as far away from me, sell our home, and move but she has always run from her problems all her life . She feels like I have ruined her life. SO what can I do now? I have nothing left
The possibility of having given it to my kids bothers me, too…it’s probably a concern for many of us that have a dominant ataxia. But we didn’t know and can’t change things now. They will be better informed and may, or may not, make another decision when it’s their turn. But that is life. No one said it would always be easy.
You can’t change your wife/exes feelings or reactions…she’s entitled. It may be sad, but what you can do is show your kids (by your actions NOW) that this doesn’t have to be life ending. Life altering— yes, challenging—yes, a pain in the a$$—yes…but you can still be good/nice/kind/thoughtful/etc. So decide YOU are going to be an inspiration for your kids . The only attitude you’re responsible for is yours.
I ask her if she was gone kick her own children out if they come down with Ataxia and now she will not speak to me.
Try not to provoke her…it doesn’t help you or your children. Helping yourself to be as strong as you can be for your kids would be more productive; maybe that means talking to your doctor about getting on an antidepressant. Marriage breakups are always hard, and there’s usually lots of contributing factors. The most important thing is for you to feel better about yourself and let go of some of your anger.
You have absolutely nothing to reproach yourself for, none of us are to ‘blame’ for the situation we find ourselves in. Is there anybody who could act as an advocate on your behalf (GP/social worker/church member) to try and resolve this situation for the benefit of the children
That might be the most devastating thing about having Ataxia. What I mean is not the just the physical problems it creates but also the psychological problems that manifests from it. Chatkat gave excellent advice above. When it comes down to it, the only one that can make you feel bad is you. Just take it one day at a time. I know! Easier said than done. Just do the best that you can do.
Nothing to add but just wanted to say, how devastating … really hope you can overcome your feelings.
You have absolutely nothing whatsoever to answer for. I went through very similar circumstances. You should have absolutely no anger for yourself but anger directed in the rightful direction to that of arrogance and ignorance.
I feel for you, honestly. I am fifty years old and have ataxia as part of an aggressive multiple sclerosis. I am very, very limited and have many severe physical problems. Do not think you have to get sedated and get psychiatruc drugs like many people will suggest and urge you to do. You have to do what you can and realise what you CAN do and arrange to do it. I hate trying to tell people what they should do. I live with my teenaged son and husband but it’s no bed of roses - people have turned away from me because apparently no one wants a sick or disabled friend or relative, so all I can say is I know what you mean
It may ultimately end up as her loss. You now have your life to live, and live it to its best. I can only imagine the pain you and your children must be going through but be strong. I had the same problem, did I give it to my children ,the conversation was agonising and the reality was that I had passed it on. We are a very strong bunch that will always be there for you. When I was at my lowest I had a few sessions of counselling, it puts things into perspective but which may now feel as one large mess. Together we are strong. Peter England
Very good advice!
GET RID YOURSELF.The last thing you need to be blamed, For what?inhereting this shyte yourself. Who are you supposed to blame? YOU NEED UNDERSTANDING AND SUPPORT, TO ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON and cherish your life as it is…Whatever the progression. You cannot do it in THE TOXIC ENVIRONMENT…speak to your kids and explain, if a reasonably aged, NOT 5 YRS OLD…10 perehaps more…what’s what and how it is affecting your relationship with THEIR Mother. DITCH THE BITCH.
SPOT ON CHATCAT. Inspirational, for reflex ion HIS, she is BEYOND reflecting…
Beryl is right, clever clogs her. If you cannot Fin d help in the family, perhaps OUT, but stay positive and NEVER GIVE UP!
Never give up ,it is her loss not only on a husband and the father of her children. The growth she would gain as a person as well as the compassion she would learn an she may would learn how to laugh at life and that you have so much to give and help her grow in the knowledge of taking you two taking care of your children… maybe she will come around but if not you have nothing to apologize or blame yourself for all you can do is love your kids and LOVE YOURSELF.