I have been friends with these 2 girls for about 2 years. I have recently found out that they go to the local swimming pool with their families every day it is sunny or warm. My daughter is good friends with there daughters. I often say to them they should call me, and we can get our kids together. But for months they have play dates with there girls, and exclude mine. I hate and feel so bad for my daughter. She is healthy and active, I’m the one with ataxia (walker), and she is constantly left out. I can’t do much physical stuff with her, so when it is nice weather, I hate for her to just be sitting inside, watching tv. Should I say something to my friends? I want to, but I don’t want to sound desperate.
I do feel left out rarely on account of the ailment but I pacify and correct myself. I feel you can talk to,your friends without exhibiting desperation and if unconsciously they are unaware of their actions you will enlighten them to be more caring for you. Sometimes communication gaps can be the result of sadness in a friendship. I may be wrong but Its my honest opinion. My best wishes to,you. Stay Strong always.
Yes, I would say something to them, as they probably don't realize how you're feeling. If they're good friends, they'll care. Could be they don't ask, as they assume (wrongly) that you're not up to it, and they're trying to be considerate. Therefore, if they know how you feel, it will be a win, win situation for all! Happy communication to you..., ;o)
Would you believe it, I was just about to say something, and Rose's post popped up!
Yes, if they're good friends' they will care. You know them best. Go for it. xB
This may seem harsh, but I've been seeing a psychologist and she confirmed it for me. I told her I felt left out sometiems, and she assured me that I am! We talked it through and I came to the realization that most people simply don't understand. Some think they are doing you a great favor by not making you feel obligated to do active things. Others are simply biased against people with disabilities. I find MANY more of the former than the latter, but both groups exist.
You know, you might consider mixing it up: sometimes go with your daughter to the play dates, and sometimes send her. And you might help her look for more friends so that she isn't just dependent on these for play dates.
Maybe try telling the mothers you'll let them know if you don't feel like participating. That might clear the air if their concern is they are overtaxing you. Then be honest: if you don't feel like going, ask one of the mom's to pick up your child.
Don't let yourself jump to that easy conclusion, the one I'm so prone to, which is the people don't like to be around me because I'm on a walker. It might make them uncomfortable, but that's a lot different from it being a personality thing.
I hope things works out well for you and your daughter! There are times (rarely, I admit) when I feel blessed not to have children!!
Yes, talk to them about your disability sometimes people fear the unknown… Think about it, it could be
A different issue… Sometimes a party of three leaves one person out as well!
Sounds like they are not very seasoned parents. But a discussion is what you guys need parents should
Help each other…
Yes there are many people who feel uncomfotable with people with disabilities. It's a fact of life.
Having said that, ataxia causes depression directly. I use Prozac for the problem. People do tend to react more positively if you can find a way to alleviate the depression.
However, steer clear of alcohol and nicotine. I was surprised to discover that nicotine makes ataxia worse within minutes. And alcohol helps the symptoms of some ataxias but is a deadly, addictive drug.
Thank you all for your responses. I will see the girls tonight. You guys help me with my problems. You always get it. I am a little nervous to see her and question her for not including me in so many events. Well, wish me luck. Thanks again.
My best to you! You'll do great!!! ;o)
Let us know how it goes!