When do you accept help .?
When do you push yourself to take more risks .?
Is it strong not to accept help.?
Regards
Barney
I accept help when I need it or am tired. I push myself often when I feel strong. NO it is NOT strong not tom accept help when help is needed.
1 Like
How long is a piece of string?
In the case of help with benefits, it is BEFORE retirement age [in UK]. If you are awarded benefits before retirement, they continue indefinitely. I applied when I retired and was turned down. They cannot be awarded retrospectively.
Never take risks because you might do serious damage that makes everything 100 times worse.
I often refuse help without thinking.. it's a pride thing but I am learning to accept graciously.
The time to push yourself is when exercising .. maybe just walking.. you will know when exhaustion sets in!
Hope this helps.
Sometimes pride gets in our way. It is better to accept or even ask for help in doing things rather than get hurt doing them. It is hard, I know, because many like myself want to be independent and do as much as we can for ourselves. 'This is good, but we still need to know our limits and ask for help when needed or make adjustments in how we do things.
It is said that pride comes before a fall! However, the question accompanying those placed by Bernard is often "When do or why should I 'give in'?".
When do you accept help?
Mostly when it is offered if I feel I need it. I often refuse help and this has led to some really nice conversations with the person making the offer. At times when I refuse help, it is usually when I am using my elbow crutches (short distance) or my self propelled wheelchair and someone offers to open a door or move something out of my way. When I politely refuse assistance and thank the other person involved, I sometimes get asked about my health or how I find using the elbow crutches. I do not mind this and happily 'chew the cud' so to speak with the other person.
When do you push yourself to take more risks?
I'm told that I am 'as stubborn as a mule' at times. Particularly when I want to do something for myself. A good example was when I first started using my wheelchair last year. It was about my third time out and I was shopping with my mum. I was on a steep slope going upwards and was handling the slope with difficulty but well enough. A group of teenaged lads offered to help but I refused kindly. A little further on and the lads doubled back and pushed me to the top of the slope. As much as I, at first, protested the lads (basically) told me that I should take help when offered and there is no shame in doing so. They were, of course, right. I do push myself (no pun intended) to the point of risk from time to time but I do realize that it is sometimes not fair on others if I do - especially if I would be putting others at risk too or if they have to 'handle the aftermath'.
Is it strong not to accept help?
Yes! It can seem to us as individuals who want to stay independent that we are, by refusing assistance, staying strong. It can irk us when we are offered help because it can make us feel somewhat 'less of a person' or a hindrance. On the other hand, accepting help whenever it is absolutely needed or when help is not really needed but is offered kindly can help strengthen, in my view, our character. Sometimes accepting help is not only good for ourselves but can make the day of the person that offered such help too.
As I see it Barney, you certainly do not need help in asking the difficult questions that others may be a bit reluctant to ask! Thanks for starting the discussion.
Best regards all,
Michael. :)
P.S; The answer to the age old question of 'how long is a piece of string?' is very simple! A piece of string is twice as long as the measurement from its centre to one of its ends. Though I do know what you mean scrffycat9. [insert silly faces and acronyms here!]
I personally don't feel it isn't strong not to accept help. I think we all need it time to time. But that said I don't think we should get lazy about depending on someone elce no matter what. Even if we can't seem to do somethings for ourselves and need others there has to be something we can do for ourselves. Even if it's only just to be greatful that we can think that day, or that things that we normally take for granted are still there.
See I believe there is a purpose in everything we expediences that we have.Even if it's only a mind set, why not? Hey what ever works right? :0)
I was taught that from every experiences that I need to learn something from it or it was a waste of my time. I sure don't want to waste any, so I look for something to come away with.
I was in a Dr. office yesterday and I was reading an article in Neurology Now magazine about how any movements are a benefit for our brains. They went on to say even if someone is in a wheel chair and says they can't exercise, the Dr. said we can benefit our brain even if we put a can in our hand and move it up and down a few times every day.
I do push myself to do just a bit better than I did yesterday how ever that looks like and it seems to be different daily.I think that helps the body and brain. I think pushing myself even just a little give me a feeling of control of where I want my body and mind to go. And that feels good! It's addicting! hahahahahhahaha
1st: I think this is a huge issue, even more so than any physical issues, dare I say. When it comes to one’s personal freedoms, I feel pretty passionately about that.
2nd: Everyone has a different level of comfort with taking a risk; no matter what level that is, we need to respect it.
That said, I feel somewhat comfortable with risk. Don’t get me wrong, certain things just make me want to vomit just thinking about them; and with those things, I’ve learned to listen to my gut, and do a pro-con list or use some other tool to help me make a decision when my gut is telling me to slow way down (who knew that was even possible :).
As a general rule though, if I can do something without breaking something, I prefer to do it myself; it has more to do with self-esteem than pride right now. For example, my mom uses breakable plates. If it’s small enough, I’m able to carry it without breaking it. I don’t mean to come off as rude or anything, but I have needed to decline help on several occasions for the sake of keeping my self-esteem in tact. It’s a balancing act (in more ways than one) for me.
If I’m unable (and thankfully, I know when I need to ask for help), although I find it difficult, I will ask - first, in the most round-about way possible that it might as well be invisible ink. I am getting better at asking for help when I need it, though.
There was a time where I was completely paralyzed, and it was absolutely necessary for a slew of people to help me. I had to be cathed; someone had to wash me; I was fed and given meds through a peg-tube; I was in a coma for so long that my neck muscles atrophied and when I regained enough muscle and movement to use a wheelchair, I needed one with head-restraints because if my head fell over, I wouldn’t have the muscle strength to lift it back up, etc.
I’ve been to that place where I had zero independence; and, now, where I am with a lot of uncertainty, anxiety, etc., my personal view of “asking for help when a person needs it”, is the true definition of strength - and not the other way around. I hope to be someone who asks for help without analyzing myself first, some day soon. It’s a goal.
Regarding taking risks, I think a calculated risk is beyond important. I say “calculated” because what is considered risky for one person may not be risky for another person.
Going back to the breakable plate example: if I dropped it and it broke; yes, that would be horrible; but, after I put into perspective, I broke it, and I’ll clean it up. The world will not end; however, for a few minutes, I will be one unhappy camper. To me, that’s worth taking the risk; on the other hand, if I’m going to break a bone, is it worth taking the risk? Not so much, no.
Shame there's no "like" button.
Glitter on Butterflies said:
1st: I think this is a huge issue, even more so than any physical issues, dare I say. When it comes to one's personal freedoms, I feel pretty passionately about that.
2nd: Everyone has a different level of comfort with taking a risk; no matter what level that is, we need to respect it.
That said, I feel somewhat comfortable with risk. Don't get me wrong, certain things just make me want to vomit just thinking about them; and with those things, I've learned to listen to my gut, and do a pro-con list or use some other tool to help me make a decision when my gut is telling me to slow way down (who knew that was even possible :).
As a general rule though, if I can do something without breaking something, I prefer to do it myself; it has more to do with self-esteem than pride right now. For example, my mom uses breakable plates. If it's small enough, I'm able to carry it without breaking it. I don't mean to come off as rude or anything, but I have needed to decline help on several occasions for the sake of keeping my self-esteem in tact. It's a balancing act (in more ways than one) for me.
If I'm unable (and thankfully, I know when I need to ask for help), although I find it difficult, I will ask - first, in the most round-about way possible that it might as well be invisible ink. I am getting better at asking for help when I need it, though.
There was a time where I was completely paralyzed, and it was absolutely necessary for a slew of people to help me. I had to be cathed; someone had to wash me; I was fed and given meds through a peg-tube; I was in a coma for so long that my neck muscles atrophied and when I regained enough muscle and movement to use a wheelchair, I needed one with head-restraints because if my head fell over, I wouldn't have the muscle strength to lift it back up, etc.
I've been to that place where I had zero independence; and, now, where I am with a lot of uncertainty, anxiety, etc., my personal view of "asking for help when a person needs it", is the true definition of strength - and not the other way around. I hope to be someone who asks for help without analyzing myself first, some day soon. It's a goal.
Regarding taking risks, I think a calculated risk is beyond important. I say "calculated" because what is considered risky for one person may not be risky for another person.
Going back to the breakable plate example: if I dropped it and it broke; yes, that would be horrible; but, after I put into perspective, I broke it, and I'll clean it up. The world will not end; however, for a few minutes, I will be one unhappy camper. To me, that's worth taking the risk; on the other hand, if I'm going to break a bone, is it worth taking the risk? Not so much, no.
I ask for help when I need it, or when offered. I have no shame at all in asking. May be because before stroke and ataxia, when I was very able and athletic, I never hesitated to help anyone in need and no one ever refused my help. I think most people do not turn down kindness. I consider an offer of help to be an act of kindness and not pity. And even if it is pity? So what? May be we deserve a little pity?
I do not not care what strangers think about me, because I have always strived to be the best I could and was brought up that way. So what you see is what you get, if you do not like me, do not look at me.
To make a long story short, I feel that it is okay to ask for help but I try to do as much as possible on my own because I know it is good for me. I know my limits and know when to stop pushing.
Hi Barney, This is a true story: For many years I was reluctant to use cane. Not because I cared about what others would think, but because I wanted to retain my independence, and "do it" myself. One day I took a serious fall (while out), REALLY injuring my pelvis. Went to my doctor, had an xray, and I had a hairline fracture. From then on, I started using a cane (when I leave my home), and haven't fallen while using it since (I should also be using it in my home, as I have taken a few falls, to be honest). It's complicated, as I feel much "safer" in the familiarity of my home. Anyway, I think it's (just MY opinion) human nature to want to be as independent as possible' and do things "ourselves". It's hard for me to ask for help, as I was the one always helping others. But now I realize sometimes I'm the one that needs help, and I'm learning (baby steps) to gladly accept it. It's not "strong" not to accept help (again, my opinion). In terms of "risks" I do push myself, as SAFELY as possible. It's a balancing act...,ha! I also have come to realize I can't do the same things physically that I use to do. Therefore, I try to embrace what I can still do! Ataxia changes so many things, as it's our new "normal". Sorry to go on and on, just trying to explain everything...,ha! My best to you... ;o)
I usually don’t have a choice; but, once in a while I’ll feel like making my own tea. No big deal, but, hey, one’s independence is prized. Oh, that fatal flaw, pride, has reared its head now and again. But, I too, have learned how kind most people are. Moreover, I’ve had 29 years (my first brain surg.) to get over my pride, but also try not to coddle yourself. That’s huge- so many days are bad for walking, etc. I say follow your own heart, mind and body.
Thanks, Barney- I think you provoked a terribly important discussion. Hugs to all. Ellen
I enjoyed helping others and now that I need help I find it hard accepting help. I have a very strong faith in God and believes he is using this opportunity to humble me. I keep reminding myself of his words "he would put no more on me than I can bear", so I know I can bear this (test), illness but at times it's very hard to accept. I am very grateful for this support group and know that with your support we all are better together sharing with each other.
Well said, Mel! ;o)
Thanks for the discussion Barney.It's hard isn't it to relinquish one's independence especially if you have been doing something a certain way for years.I am struggling with toilets and showers.I have had to accept help and I do not like it.
I feel terribly lazy but listening to other carers it seems they prefer us to accept help.It is getting the balance between asking for help and being apathetic.I haven't found the answer yet but am very interested in others' input especially on this subject.
I have found most people are very kind.My sister said recently to encourage me that just the act of getting up or communicating somehow was very important.That boosted my flagging self esteem no end.
Marie
Marie I am struggling with asking for help myself, my best friend haven't ask if I need help and I won't ask her. Now, if the shoe was on the other foot she would not have to ask me I would be there demanding what can I do to alleviate some of the stress, but I have to realize everyone is not like me. Also, she assume my husband would do whatever I need. Sometimes you need a women to do some personal things for you. But this "too will pass", I have to work on changing my attitude. What I have learned those whom you expect to help are not the ones GOD put in your life to help, I am not without people who are willing to help and for that I am very grateful.
Yes, I agree Marie, most people are very kind, holding doors open for me and my trusty cane, etc. In fact, I knocked over two small containers of cherry tomatoes at the grocery store yesterday. As I struggled to clean up the mess they made (tomatoes rolling her and there), a kind gentleman said (as he bent down to help me), "looks like you could use some help, as this has happened to me before". I REALLY appreciated his help!!! ;o)
i have been falling a lot. it is telling me to either be more careful or ask for help. if the action your going to do means hurting yourself then i would ask for help. being strong is one or the other, asking for help or not. a physical therapist can tell you where you're at.
lorraine
I agree, Lorraine! Better safe than sorry! I lost my balance and fell backwards in the kitchen last Friday. I hit the back of my head on the seam of the lower cabinets, cutting it open. I'm now sporting a huge lump and nine staples. Falling is definitely NOT my idea of a good time...,ha! Keep safe... ;o)