I have found since I'm no longer able to work and as of last year also no longer actively parenting (youngest joined the military), that I am quite lonely and isolated.
I use to walk with a girlfriend Monday-Friday, but she had to start working more hours and just isn't available anymore. My other good friend also works full time and is still raising kids at home.
My husband is my best friend, but I recognize that I need to be proactive about seeing female friends on a regular basis. My husband has to travel extensively for his work, so I started traveling with him. The problem with that is I'm stuck in a hotel room all day and when he gets back from his tasks he has at least another 3 hours of more work on his computer each night. I find myself making friends with the housekeeping staff.
With the ataxia, I am sometimes unable to leave the house for weeks at a time. This makes commitments very difficult for me.
What things are you all doing to keep actively involved with people in person, face to face in a healthy way?
Maybe a local church would have some sort of group you could join? Often churches run groups that aren't wholly spiritually based, just as a way to get people in the community together.
Hi Julie, I havent got any suggestions but really do sympathise since I have similar problems.
I find that being 'sensible' 24/7 is so tiring that I havent got the energy to make the effort to do anything.
We are retired so my husband is at home most of the time - he works from home in the second bedroom a couple of days a week. My car has been adapted with hand controls so I have no excuse not to get out.
I did do charity work but I was getting 'anxious' about commitments so have given most of that up - my only commitment now is running a local ataxia support group. We meet alternate months and I write a monthly newsletter. next year I propose having meetings every month as this is the only time I really make any effort.
I do communicate with people online, especially FB where I play word games but also skype and email with friends and family. Always the easy option LOL.
I try to control our diet by shopping online otherwise my husband selects food I cant resist!!! ..but that means we dont get to walk round the shops!
I try to do wii fit exercises and use passive pedal machine but that so boring.. much rather be on here..
I feel so self concious when I walk with anyone other than my husband as I walk so slowly.
I expect being 70 doesnt help .. I was much more active up to my 60's .. I think we need a good friend to motivate and encourage us. A dog can be good idea but my husband doesnt approve of pets :( plus they are expensive and hard work.
I hope you find something to 'get you going' - all good wishes, Patsy
I have joined a book club,go to a bible study and my Methodist Church. I find people from these three groups are very kind and give me lifts or help me over thresholds and steps.I am very slow getting ready,have to plan things but once there I can listen not talk.It would be very easy to isolate with this condition but it is probably good for us to get out.I even wrap up and go the two miles into the village with my scooter and the dog.Lots of people talk to me about the dog even if I struggle to respond.It gives a certain routine to your day.
It is hard giving up work with endless parties at Christmas.Christmas is a difficult time for us.It will not go on forever.It just reminds us of what we have lost but we gain as well.It is very difficult if you have been used to doing things.Just sit back and relax.
Well, although my wife has been of great help, she is scared of taking me around, as i India, the transport & other facilities are not disabled friendly. I generally keep myself occupied by solving SUDOKU and English cryptic crossword. Even sitting before computer for long time is painful. My inability is accentuated by the fact that all my earlier life i used to traveling, a lot.
I volunteer for an hour a week listening to youngsters read but crave adult company as I too am housebound with just TV for company.suggestions welcome!
My doctor suggested to me volunteering to read to someone at the nursing home. At the same time she said "limit your driving", so that makes it hard to volunteer.
lindilu said:
I volunteer for an hour a week listening to youngsters read but crave adult company as I too am housebound with just TV for company.suggestions welcome!
I can't drive,and can hardly speak or walk so have to be very dependant on others- which can be very difficult
.Do scooters cope with hills very well as I would love to be able to go out, one of my previous likes was hiking - but we live in VERY hilly country!!!!
In September 2012 we got Joey. A 6 pound Chihuahua. At the time he was 9 months old and completely trained. We are now inseperable. With a bladder the size of a walnut he makes me active LOL. We go outside allot and to the park and meet people. My wife goes to work and Tyler is still in Highschool makes to much time alone, Joey more than fills that void. You get exercise also trying to avoid all his toys with the wheels of your walker. He is my second best friend. I call him my NAN dog, Neurotic and Needy-- Keeps you moving.
Punk said:
Hey Julie , get a dog and you will meet some great people
I have a dog! I can't walk him as he would pull me over and frankly I'm afraid of other dogs running lose in our neighborhood, or mountain lions, or bears...We live in a suburb that is very "wild" I'm trying to teach him new tricks. (We have a large fenced in yard, so he gets plenty of exercise.) Really, this isn't about exercise for me either, I have a treadmill.
and since I'm doing two course (1 online, the other correspondence style)
I did do a bible study at my church last year, but unfortunatly it wasn't a good "fit" for me. I'm a church going/Christ follower woman, but this particular group of ladies was not the girlfriends for me. I quit feeling hurt. Felt like I was back in junior high school. I need to give that another try with a different group.
I did try volunteering, but just couldn't commit because I never knew when I was going to be bed bound and unable to fulfill my obligations. A nursing home visit, might just be the thing. If I didn't have to commit to when I was coming. Yet, that still doesn't meet my need for adult female conversation. Unfortunately so many senior citizens in nursing homes are all drugged up or suffering from dementia.
Keep the ideas coming. I have to believe that many of us deal with this issue.
I have a dog! I can't walk him as he would pull me over and frankly I'm afraid of other dogs running lose in our neighborhood, or mountain lions, or bears...We live in a suburb that is very "wild" I'm trying to teach him new tricks. (We have a large fenced in yard, so he gets plenty of exercise.) Really, this isn't about exercise for me either, I have a treadmill.
and since I'm doing two course (1 online, the other correspondence style)
I did do a bible study at my church last year, but unfortunatly it wasn't a good "fit" for me. I'm a church going/Christ follower woman, but this particular group of ladies was not the girlfriends for me. I quit feeling hurt. Felt like I was back in junior high school. I need to give that another try with a different group.
I did try volunteering, but just couldn't commit because I never knew when I was going to be bed bound and unable to fulfill my obligations. A nursing home visit, might just be the thing. If I didn't have to commit to when I was coming. Yet, that still doesn't meet my need for adult female conversation. Unfortunately so many senior citizens in nursing homes are all drugged up or suffering from dementia.
Keep the ideas coming. I have to believe that many of us deal with this issue.
Julie- depending on what your abilities are I’d try to have fun with traveling with your husband. Maybe arrange to get on a bus tour in each city you go to. If you know anyone who might want to come along and spend the day with you, it might be even more fun. Perhaps even do some writing or talking into a recorder about how accessible your tour experience was for others traveling to that particular city. I love photography and can spend all day just taking pictures and processing them on my laptop. My eyes are really bad at times. It’s slowed me down but not stopped me. I just point and click and am surprised at what I end up with.
Julie. I find the same situation. But my talking is getting really bad. Finding someone on the computer that you can email back and forth helps somewhat. A friend of mine was just in a nursing home for rehab. after hip surgery. I helped and talked with a lot of different people. The nurses kept asking me if I was okay, because I walk different. Gee you think they would be smart enough to know I wasn't drunk at 8 am. But I did feel good helping the people because the nurses didn't. Hang in there Julie. You will find something!
Having been employed for 28 as a social worker and retired now for 6 years due to my ataxia, it's been quite an adjustment! My husband still works, all the children are grown and gone, so I'm on my own during the day. I move pretty slowly, but try to get out of the house a few days a week, to interact with people. It's not easy and I often have to force myself, but find it's worth the effort! I go to stores that have a cart I can push (like the grocery store). I plop my purse and cane in the cart and I'm off. I find it easier to walk with a cart, and it's good exercise. Just being around people, even if I don't know them, is healthy and therapeutic for me...,ha! I'd like to find a volunteer job I can do, but feel the same way Julie, as I don't want to commit to something I may not be able to follow-through with. My days are uncertain also, due to the up and down nature of ataxia. I meet for breakfast and lunch with some retired co-workers monthly. I was always a very social person who loved being around people, but due to ataxia (my speech is slurred), not so much anymore. I'm glad I can interact with others on this site, as I do converse with a few others through email besides this forum! I'm considering joining an exercise gym. I do exercises at home for strength and balance, but going to a gym would be a good way to meet/interact with others. Also a yoga or pilates class would be a good option! Of course, each of has to consider our abilities/limitations as to what would be best. Maybe you could start a group gathering in your home once a month, for an interest/hobby you enjoy. Just a thought..., ;o)