What I have learned

I am staying in Gloucestershire for a few days with my sister so i have had time to think.Thanks to everyone who gave me some encuragement when I really needed it .You all helped in your special ways.

Sometimes there is a gap between yur reaction and accepting an idea.That is when you feel alone even when you are not,

I think the worst experience of this disease for me is not the physical deterioration because we can adapt.It is the mental torture, the sense of loss.You once could do things and because this disease has not affected me cognitively you feel emotional pain.You feel sad, and for me even the smallest thing makes us cry.So mental health is very important and we have to remember we are not just substance but unique.

For those who have a spiritual belief we go through wilderness experiences and sometimes we may doubt where we are going.There maybe a gap where you feel abandoned but from my experience God or a Higher Power sends along someone at the right moment the right support for us at the time and gives us what we need whether it is emotional or physical or both.

What I have learntsince being away is that there are different ways of suffering whether it be bereavement,a child on drugs or drink,loss , divorce etc.They all cause emotional pain and I think what i was afraid of last week is emotinal pain and turning out like my father who had a long drawn out battle with lot of pain with Parkinson's Disease.There is so much more they can do now but back in the 70s I think it tramatised me and my sister.

I watched a video of a young girl with cystic fibrosis.She was so upbeatt and happy she put me to shame.My husband said what is different between the two Fridays..I allowed one man to destroy my happiness. That was the Neurologist and that was my fault not his.

I can count my blessings again aand go back to doing all the things that made me happy like going out explorikng on my mobility scooter,exploring Nature which I fiind therapeeutic,reading and mooching about in the garden.Instead of getting upset about theskills we have lost look at all we have gained.Its up to us how to choose how we react.

It is about the quality of our life not the quantity.You could live a long life and be miserable or a shorter life filled with happiness.There are lots of mysteries we cannot solve by our own thinking.

For those feeling useless physically my sister says she needs me for moral support.That makes me feel needed.Sometimes we feel a burden but we are not .We are often valued in different ways.

Just some of my philosphies that might help someone else going through a wilderness experience.Thanks once again to all of you who carried throgh a difficult time.

Marie

So pleased to hear that Marie.. thanks for letting us know. Your sister sound a real treasure.

Patsy xx

Inca is my strength and purpose in life. She is most of the reason I have decided to go through the long process of applying for an assistance dog, in the hope that I will get one and it will give her companionship too and take over her daily workload so I can stay independent. I'd like her to have a nice retirement.

How old is your dog Belle? do you know that Dog AID helps you train your own pet as an assistance dog for you (depending on dogs age and temperament) that maybe worth looking into? It may also give your family security whilst they are out at work/school etc knowing that Belle can pick stuff up for you or fetch the phone to you if you fall over and need to phone for help etc.

http://www.dogaid.org.uk/

In answer to your question Kati Belle is nearly two but she gets so excited when she sees anyone she bowls them over.I just hang onto a door when I see her.I have tried being consistent with her but my husband spoils her.She is a nightmare for strangers as they dont know this dog slavering and approaching them rapidly just wants to make friends.However she gives me a routine and purpose which is important.I love taking her out on my mobility scoooter but it is a pperformance getti ng ready.I used to go with my rollator but I got it stuck in the mud,fell over a few times with a mad spaniel thinking I was playing a bizarre game leaping upon me when I felt like a stranded bluebottle,found the rollator had a mind of its own going over any slope and disappearing into the lake when I forgot to apply the brakes.I much prefer the scooter and dogggy and I can go miles being adveturous and exploring.I will look at the website you suggest.I think having a purpose is very important for us.

Nice words Marie and I'm glad to hear you feel better. You say that you allowed your Neurologist to destroy your happiness and you blamed yourself for that. My thinking is that maybe it wasn't what the Neurologist said to you but perhaps more like the way or how he said it? Some people especially professionals (in my own experience anyway) can be so insensitive at times. Things can be said people without giving thought about their feelings. For instance being judgemental and having lack of empathy.

well at that age, if you started training you could probably nip that in the bud then she's not knocking or pulling your over.

It is alot of work but if your're home with her on your own all day whilst others are out you could use clicker training to teach her simple tasks like picking things up for you, putting her toys in away in her toy box, pulling clothes out of machine or dryer. I started with those interactive games first and choose ones that taught specific tasks 'pick it up', 'pull' 'push' then you apply the commands to jobs once she knows the difference.

Maybe your husband can help by also expecting her to behave rather than spoiling her and undoing all the work you would be trying to do with her during the day? For me the fact that I can manage independently around my house was worth all the work that went into Inca. I hope to get another 10 years of independence at least, with another dog in the near future.

Marie Turner said:

In answer to your question Kati Belle is nearly two but she gets so excited when she sees anyone she bowls them over.I just hang onto a door when I see her.I have tried being consistent with her but my husband spoils her.She is a nightmare for strangers as they dont know this dog slavering and approaching them rapidly just wants to make friends.However she gives me a routine and purpose which is important.I love taking her out on my mobility scoooter but it is a pperformance getti ng ready.I used to go with my rollator but I got it stuck in the mud,fell over a few times with a mad spaniel thinking I was playing a bizarre game leaping upon me when I felt like a stranded bluebottle,found the rollator had a mind of its own going over any slope and disappearing into the lake when I forgot to apply the brakes.I much prefer the scooter and dogggy and I can go miles being adveturous and exploring.I will look at the website you suggest.I think having a purpose is very important for us.

Hi John

I already have my application in to the UK Canine Partners/Hearing Dogs for the Deaf. They work together to train a Dual skilled dog for me. I just have to wait for them to collect medical reports etc now. It will take a while as my audiologist cant see me till 21st May and social worker 23rd.

I'm not expecting to hear back from them before the end of this year maybe next year. There are long waiting lists for Assistance dogs in UK, but I hope to get one before Inca goes deaf or has physical difficulties.

Kati

Hello Iain

I tried to join the new site.Nothing happened but it could be the Bank Holiday.

I don't think my Neurol was insensitive.I think it more a case of me looking up ghastly things on the internet and him trying to find labels on the basis of what I said.I possibly would have reached the same conclusion based on what I said.

Having had time to think now I think our mental health is more important than what caused the CA.The diagnosis remains the same whetever label we put on it.I am going to concentrate on that not what is happening to the body.I think you tried to tell me that sometime ago.It isn't easy when we have to live with daily frustrations.I think emotional pain is worse and it can't be seeen.There are worse handicaps.I will go back to concentrating on the things that make me happy and not take so much notice about what neuros say.It would be different if there was something we could do.But sometimes accepting is very hard.

Marie

Iain Stevenson said:

Nice words Marie and I'm glad to hear you feel better. You say that you allowed your Neurologist to destroy your happiness and you blamed yourself for that. My thinking is that maybe it wasn't what the Neurologist said to you but perhaps more like the way or how he said it? Some people especially professionals (in my own experience anyway) can be so insensitive at times. Things can be said people without giving thought about their feelings. For instance being judgemental and having lack of empathy.

Glad you didn't see your Neurologist as being insenseitive Marie. The reason I mentioned it is because that was my perception of my own Neurologists statement to me initially. I also agree that the emotional side of things can be worse than the condition itself. When I was severely depressed a few years back I found it to be much worse than how I feel at present. Due to my experiences of depression in the past where I learned to look at positives rather than negatives my cup is now 'half full' and not 'half empty' (if you get my meaning?).

Try the site again Marie (I answered a question on it one or two hours ago). If you still don't have any luck let me know and I will post a message myself explaining the problem.

Good luck and stay well. Iain

Hello Iain,

Have had major depressions but used to walk a lot.My mental health is imperative.

Now I go on my mobility scooter and watch Nature this way instead and that is therapeuti.Just shows we find a way somehow to make ourselves feel better.At the time of my awful Depressions it was my job troubling me.I am much happier now in spite of the Ataxia.Just shows if our Mind is healthy then the physical doesnt seem to matter so much.Anyone who has Depression is in my mind more handicapped as it can't be seen and is more debilitating

Marie

So glad you are starting to feel better.

Our old collie x died just over a year ago, and so we decided to get a new dog but thought I would not manage a puppy, so went for a rescue dog. We have been incredibly lucky, and Woody has turned out to be a real star and wonderful company for me during the day. He did have some problems to start with though, and needed sorting. He did not like cats and pulled me over every so often! It took about 6 months to sort out. We found Cesar Milan's DVDs very useful
http://www.cesarsway.com/shop/international-products
Like you, I have a problem with an over soft other half! He is hopeless but we sat down and watched as a family and the kids helped to explain that we need a united front so as not to confuse him and to help keep me safe during the day. Emotional blackmail can be a wonderful thing when needed!
Woody does not pull any more and in fact I do not have him on a lead and just tell him to walk to heel. Also, he has had to quickly completely come around on the cat front because unfortunately one of our 14 years old cats has gone blind and had to become a house cat. He would LOVE to eat her but in a funny way likes the company too.
Anyway, good luck with the dog training whatever you decide.
Love Lit

Helle Lit

Thanks for the dog training advice.Can't wait for the weather to warm up so I can go back on the scooter with Belle trotting beside.Keeps raining.I dont think that helps as my hands get cold.I have seen Cesar on the telly but we know what to do but are not consistent.My husband thinks a bouncy Sprniger greeting himfrom work is amusing.I and strangers don;t like being bowled to the floor. I know she is just being friendly but they don;t .She has dominated our house though and I think its my husbands therapy after work and looking after me.I am trying to be as independent as possible during the day but in the eves I just give up

Marie