When To tell the person you are dating

I am single, and I just want to get peoples opinions about this. I am resorting to online dating to try to find someone because I really don’t come in contact with single people where I work. When is a good time to tell a person that you have the brain illness or other illnesses?

Right away would be best. Why wait for a good time. If you notice it they may also. Jerry

I would be up front with this person. If she/he likes you enough that shouldn't matter

Its hard to say because people don't like added problems to their life. The truth is always the best thing to do. When asked you say even if you get pushed away.

I would wait until after a few dates, she might notice, and ask, or she might not. Use your own judgement, depending on how everything goes. I am sure she will notice something, and probably just won't even care after having such a good time with you! Good Luck! Believe it or not, there are people out there who fall in love with the person, and accept the disease on its own! I know...True to Fact!

I would wait. See if there is a second or third date. let him get to know you, the person, the kind, loving, beautiful person. There is plenty of time to talk about ataxia.

I would before the first face-to-face - if she notices and thinks something else that could be an issue. And if you tell her and she decides that is too big an issue, maybe she wasn't worth it anyway!

Hi! I have a 23 year old daughter with ataxia. Still dont know what kind! However she carries along well and sometimes just tells anyone she has a condition! its ok to express yourself. There is nothing wrong with having ataxia. Somepeople have not even heard of it! Be honest and try to have friends…you dont have to get involved right away. There may be many things to know about the others as well! You must be a beautiful and humble person! You will be fine! Love u…:slight_smile:

Hello there,

WHEN to tell..GOOD question. Can YOU hide your ataxia?because I sure can't. So straight forward is the right answer. Why hide a part of you which is not going to disappear. It will shun people, of that I am sure. But they are probably not the ones you want to get involved with anyway. And getting into a relationship and the chance of losing it afterwards will only hurt you more.Not easy, I know..so best of luck and love.

You are so right Ellie! Thank you Maggie. I believe the best thing to do is to be upfront about my illness because to not be upfront is kind of a waste of time. Why invest time when you’re not being honest… Kind of thing. I feel better telling the guys before I meet them. My ataxia is not very noticeable I don’t think, but to me it is noticeable. I went on a date a year or so ago and did not know I had ataxia. I went to the movies with this guy and when the movie was over we had to walk down darkly lit stairs. I stood next to Isle and leaned all the way over the isle to grab the hand rail on the wall before taking a step. I felt embarrassed and told the guy I’m not sure what’s going on I think I have some inner ear trouble.

I don’t want to get in that predicament again. I would rather lay all the cards out on the table and tell the guy when we are walking and I grab onto your arm it is because of this reason (ataxia). And not hide anything.

Which brings me to my next question. What do you say when you tell you have ataxia?

I suggest an info. very early in a relationship. I would not suggest any info. (unless the partner noticed it) before the first date. Treat it as any other personality sharing such as likes and dislikes. Mention it in a very general way, such as saying, after a slip or other attention involving incident, "Oh, I appologize. I have a nerve disorder or malady that sometimes affects my balance or walking gait. It is annoying but unfortunately I have to deal with it." Then wait for your partner's inquiry. Answer as briefly and directly as possible. Avoid as much additional detail, but always respond directly and don't seek to run, escape, or change subject. If you get serious, then you will have to go into detail

Dear Iwentdownunder, I think you should tell the people you befriend right away, as ataxia is your "new normal".
If someone rejects your friendship because of this, so be it, as that shows their true character! I always tell people I have a neurological disease called cerebellar ataxia that effects my gait/balance, dexterity, speech, vision and swallowing. Happy on-line dating...,;o) (P.S. My daughter met her boyfriend on-line and he's a super guy!)

Dear Iwentdownunder, I think back to before my husband and I were married and I believe that if he said anything about his ataxia, I would have still married him. I would have looked up any and all information about ataxia and then still married him. Since he didn’t know about it then, we have muddled through the oddities that have occured over the years and have become a uniquely compatible couple. There is nothing to worry about if you lay it out there. I think men would be less worked up over your ataxia than you think. There is someone out there that just wants to love and care for you in good times and bad.

Hearing that makes me feel good.

I would bring it up before meeting in person.

Since you're still in the phase of getting to know each other, you can ask him, “What's something that makes you unique?” He'll give you an answer and ask you about what makes you unique. And there's your opening.

Iwentdownunder said:

Which brings me to my next question. What do you say when you tell you have ataxia?

I'm in the same boat as you and I've asked friends without problems their opinion. The answer was always, have a few dates first, it might not go anywhere. Then if you feel like this could be a long term thing then tell them, its usually within the first few weeks.

I've tried it and its hard but the guys I've met have taken it really well, and lets face it if they turn and run they weren't worth it.

Good luck x

If you look good most men will say yes until they get what they want. Trust this hurt is only around the corner unless hurt is hurting it self. Dont let hurt be hurting you and be true to yourself. Also try not to hide your Brian dysfunction.

Here is my opinion: If your ataxia is obvious, tell as soon as you can. If your ataxia is not always obvious then wait until you know if you really like this person. I f you believe that this person may be someone you want to spend more time with, then tell as soon as possible after you discover yourself liking him/her.

Just my own 2 cents' worth.

My ataxia is often triggered by a change in body position, and then I look and feel stone drunk. If I know that I have already a bad day then I'd want to let everybody know ahead of time so they would not think I'm a drunk.