I don't know if I will get any answers. But it is not a good day! Why is it I keep going on dates. Knowing. Once they see the ataxia. They are gone. They know about it. We talk about it. They are good men. There not to young. Were talking 55 to 62. You would think Id learn. But I don't want to be alone. I really cant find a disabled man. Because I need help. Sorry I just need to vent.
I've been single for a couple years and have only started dating for the past six months or so. I guess I realized I was getting older and should try while I still could, lol. I can mask my symptoms, but the subject tends to come up on the first date. I always explain it as a serious disease that's "no big deal" (i.e. not their business). When they've been around me enough they start to see the symptoms and I don't dwell on it. I'm not sure this is the right thing to do, but for me it helps me retain my identity as a "normal person who happens to be disabled" and not as a "disabled person".
Again, I'm not sure this is the right thing to do- it may just distance me from people. But the ataxia has never seemed to be an issue with the guys I've dated.
Hi Marjorie, Thanks. But there is noway I can mask my ataxia. My speech is off. And I need a walker.
Lori
I think that if a man really cares for you he will except you for who you are. If he doesn't then you don't need him anyway.
Sometimes when we look to hard, nothing right comes along. Try to step back and someone will find you. Trust in God, and he will take care of you!
Ugh! So glad that “dating” conveniently dropped from the top of my priority list, right now. I’d much rather pluck off my fingernails from my hands if that was an option.
However, I do believe that each person whom you choose to date or come into contact helps you to define what you want; and I think that Doggielover makes a great point.
Lori Hello then have me,the only trouble is ive ataxia and i dont like being alone im single, im 57,and live in the u.k. know what i mean lots of love john x
Hi Lori. Same here I am fed up being alone but I am in the UK :(
Hi Lori. I don't know if this is relevant to you but as an ataxia sufferer I feel much more comfortable dating someone that I've already met socially or through work rather than going on a blind date with someone I've met online. I've tried both but I find first dates with someone that I've met through internet dating really uncomfortable. Going on date with a stranger is bad enough without having to worry about the ataxia issue. If on the other hand you make friends with someone socially or through work and then go on a date with them the ataxia might become less important. The problem is of course that if you have ataxia it's more difficult to get out and meet people so online dating seems an obvious solution. I am registered with the meet.com website and go to social events organised on there and am applying for some voluntary jobs as a way of meeting people. Obviously there is no guarantee that I will meet someone this way but at least these are enjoyable and worthwhile activities within themselves.
Jonathan
But im here near Cambridge if you are near its free se me your welcommed come in Love John x
Deo's Page said:
Hi Lori. Same here I am fed up being alone but I am in the UK :(
Lori, I am so sorry. I remember going on a date with someone who knew about it and I could tell he was disgusted. We stepped off a curb and true to form I lost my balance a little bit and bumped into him. It was like I poked him with a branding iron. Nice guy huh? He was 60 something.
Last fall on top of the ataxia I got multiple myeloma, a blood cancer. I got a tumor that fractured my spine, I was not in good shape and after surgery ended up for over two months in a rehab/nursing home. In there was a man who was my age who had a hip replacement (I'm 57) and for some reason he liked me. He didn't care about the cancer or the ataxia. Amazing. We're still seeing each other.
I guess the point is, there's someone out there but you have to kiss a lot of frogs...
What a great idea!
trevor davies said:
Hi there Lori
Yup I think being in SA, nobody even knows about it and it becomes an unknown hence lets run away quickly with some feeble excuse. I am not so bad, my Balance is not shabby, my speech is only now starting to deteriate.
The worst is when I first chat on the phone, they believe I am drunk and cut me off immediately, but of course I am stoned cold sober - Maybe we should start a dating site for Ataxians - Internationally
I remember what it's like. I was 47,had nearly given up hope, but I was lucky and met my third husband on line.
We had one year before I had Ataxia.Now I don't know what I would do.I am now well looked after but I don't know how I'd cope with dating and Ataxia.I don't like going out now as it's difficult to speak.
I do count my blessings.
My third husband was an answer to prayer.Don't give up whatever age you are.The companion comes along at the right time for you.Sounds trite but I felt rescued at the right time for me. A web site for dating Ataxians sounds a good idea.
It is such a difficult ill ness to explain.
Marie
1 Like
Hi Lori
I know exactly how you feel and have also suffered rejection after rejection through on-line dating. It does nothing for your confidence. I'd love to meet someone who loves me for exactly who i am - FA included and if the right person came along then we'd know it because Ataxia wouldn't matter to them. I think we just have to believe that there is someone out there for everyone! I know its hard and believe me i have plenty of down days but don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself a break. Do something for you- read, watch a movie, meet up with friends/family etc and perhaps also take a break from the dating scene and restore your confidence. Its what i'm attempting to do at the moment!................and i do feel better!
Becca xx
hi Becca there is always me,Im free and im 57 john x x x
becca said:
Hi Lori
I know exactly how you feel and have also suffered rejection after rejection through on-line dating. It does nothing for your confidence. I'd love to meet someone who loves me for exactly who i am - FA included and if the right person came along then we'd know it because Ataxia wouldn't matter to them. I think we just have to believe that there is someone out there for everyone! I know its hard and believe me i have plenty of down days but don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself a break. Do something for you- read, watch a movie, meet up with friends/family etc and perhaps also take a break from the dating scene and restore your confidence. Its what i'm attempting to do at the moment!................and i do feel better!
Becca xx
Hi Lori, I'm married to my second husband (my 1st one, the dad of our children, died when they were 12 and 14 years old). Anyway, I married my 2nd husband 7 years ago, and already had ataxia (I was diagnosed 10 years ago). I already knew him, as he was my 1st husbands best friend. He was divorced with two children of his own. I knew him even before ataxia, and considered him ''safe harbor". After being married for almost 20 years "dating" was the last thing on my mind. I was working full-time and had two young children to raise. I guess I'm trying to say that, yes, there are good men out there that will look beyond your disability, as it doesn't "define" who you are as a person. I really liked what Puppyteeth said, you have to kiss a lot of frogs...,ha! Our children are all grown now and we are grandparents, as my son has two children of his own! My thoughts and best wishes go with you...,;o)
Wow Thanks everyone! I do feel better. Everyone is so right. I just hate rejection for my ataxia. Because that I can do nothing about. But I am more hopeful that I will meet someone who doesn't care about the ataxia. Thank you everyone for being there when I needed a friend!
Lori
Ther you go and im still alone and youve got a friend in me remember James Taylors song just ccall out my name and ill be there,im free John x x x
Lori said:
Wow Thanks everyone! I do feel better. Everyone is so right. I just hate rejection for my ataxia. Because that I can do nothing about. But I am more hopeful that I will meet someone who doesn't care about the ataxia. Thank you everyone for being there when I needed a friend!
Lori
Why ask "why", don't intend to sound "harsh" or "rude", but this Life is not all about you - maybe your not wanting to be alone is a sign of the type of relationship you have (or not) with YOUR CREATOR ... just maybe?????
Wow.
Ok
David (Spinner) Henry said:
Why ask "why", don't intend to sound "harsh" or "rude", but this Life is not all about you - maybe your not wanting to be alone is a sign of the type of relationship you have (or not) with YOUR CREATOR ... just maybe?????